Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) is any pattern of abusive or manipulative behavior in relationships that may involve physical, sexual, financial, emotional or psychological abuse by a current or former partner or spouse. This type of violence can occur among heterosexual or same-sex couples, regardless of whether there is or isn’t sexual intimacy.

While abuse against women is more prevalent and women are far more likely to die from IPV, men are also at risk of IPV. There are varying levels of abuse, but it is very common for an abused person to underestimate and understate the level of their abuse.

Understanding IPV

Living through IPV can be a profoundly isolating, debilitating and dehumanizing experience. Many individuals feel trapped and overwhelmed by a mix of fear, love, loyalty, and hope for change. Victims often feel guilty, confused and ashamed and do not talk about their abuse, or even deny it.

There is a frequently cited “cycle of abuse” identified by

1. a buildup and tension,
2. explosion - threats, violence, and
3. honeymoon phase - apology, love bombing.

It is this mixture of love and abuse that can make it particularly difficult for victims to leave because they still feel love and feel their partner may change.

There are many reasons why it is difficult to leave an abusive relationship and no one should judge a person who remains in an abusive relationship because this just adds more shame and guilt for the abused person.

IPV Across the Lifespan

IPV can occur at any stage of life, from young adulthood through older age. Certain times, such as during pregnancy or major life transitions, may see increased vulnerability due to added stressors or changes in dependency.

Recognizing that IPV can happen to anyone, at any time, helps in understanding the importance of accessible support and resources for all ages.

IPV Knows No Boundaries

It's crucial to acknowledge that IPV crosses all race, gender, and socioeconomic boundaries. No community is immune, and stereotypes about who experiences IPV can prevent people from seeking help.

Recognizing the universal nature of this issue is key to breaking down barriers to support and understanding.

Leaving: Developing a Safety Plan

Many survivors face threats against their safety or their loved ones' safety if they attempt to leave. Leaving an abusive relationship is incredibly difficult and is statistically the most dangerous period. This is because when an abuser loses control over their partner there is no guarantee of how far they will go to reassert control or stop their partners, even killing them. It may seem impossible to leave given the fear of retaliation, financial dependency, lack of support/isolation, care of children, and deep emotional ties to the abuser. These barriers, coupled with societal stigma and misunderstanding about IPV, often leave individuals feeling trapped.

Creating a safety plan with a professional trained in IPV, is a crucial step if you are looking to leave an abusive relationship. A safety plan is designed to keep you safe both while you're in the relationship and after you leave. It is also important to know your rights and gather as much data about finances and property as you can and to secure those assets if possible.

Remember, your safety is paramount. Each step you take towards planning your exit is a step towards reclaiming your life and well-being. Resources and support are available to help you through this process. You are not alone.