Navigating Loss and Grief
Losing someone or something you care deeply about can be a huge emotional loss. Similarly, losing someone who you are not close to, due to broken relationships, may also create confusion and difficulty. Each person’s journey through grief is going to be unique. The journey may feel like a black hole with no bottom, but it can also bring many other feelings which may clash or compete with each other and create confusion and deeper emotional turmoil. Grief is a difficult, but healthy way to respond to loss. It is key to understand that there is no right or wrong way to feel, you just need to feel whatever you feel.
The Many Faces of Grief
Grief is a normal but complex emotion that can affect us both mentally and physically. You may find yourself on an emotional rollercoaster, feeling fine one moment and overwhelmed by intense sadness the next. You may experience intense regret, anger, shame or guilt. Mentally, bereavement can cause feelings of confusion, brain fog, forgetfulness, and a sense of disbelief. Physically, it might manifest as severe fatigue, changes in appetite, or sleep disturbances. These reactions can be normal responses to loss, reflecting the profound impact of your grief. If your symptoms are significant, you should consult with your medical doctor.
Sometimes people experience grief around a loss that is ambiguous. For example if you are supporting someone experiencing a physical or emotional disability, you may experience sadness about the loss of relationship, loss of dreams and hopes for the future. Pauline Boss, coined this experience as “ambiguous loss” which means that while the person is with you physically, they may not be as emotionally available.
Common Myths About Grief
Several myths about grief can complicate the healing process. One such myth is the idea that grief follows a linear path, moving through stages from denial to acceptance. In reality, grief is more akin to a series of waves, varying in intensity and duration. Another myth is the belief that it's necessary to "be strong" in the face of loss. This notion can prevent individuals from expressing their pain and seeking the support they need leading to more intense and disabling emotional and physiological symptoms.
Unhelpful Responses to Grief
In times of bereavement, people often encounter well-meaning but unhelpful comments. Phrases like "They're in a better place" or "You need to move on" can feel dismissive of the deep pain of loss. These responses, even if they are intended to comfort, can make grieving individuals feel misunderstood and isolated. Even interactions with caring friends may feel emotionally draining and difficult for grieving people. However, simply withdrawing from all social engagement is not going to be helpful.
Grief Counselling Techniques
Expression of Grief
Creating a space where you can openly express your grief is crucial. Counsellors may use talk therapy or creative arts to help you articulate your feelings.
Mindfulness
Learning to respond to your loss and grief with self compassion involves holding space for the sadness and loss while bringing kindness to yourself and your experience.
Cognitive-Behavioral Techniques
These techniques can address unhelpful patterns of thinking related to the loss, helping you to develop healthier coping strategies.
Memory and Continuation
In therapy you might be encouraged to share memories of the individual and explore ways to maintain a connection through honoring their legacy. A therapist can guide you to find ways that bring meaning and purpose into your life.
Finding Your Path Through Loss
Grief counselling can play a significant role in navigating the turbulent waters of loss. It offers a compassionate setting to understand your grief, challenges unhelpful beliefs about loss, and supports you in finding a way to live with your loss. Remember, seeking help is a sign of strength.
Grief can feel isolating, but you don't have to go through it alone. Whether through counselling, support groups, or talking with family members, reaching out for support can be a critical step in your healing journey. In the end, everyone's experience of loss is unique, and there's no "correct" way to grieve. Be gentle with yourself and allow the process to unfold in its own time. Remember, grief is not something you 'get over' but something you learn to journey with. Grief is a process of finding new meaning and ways to honor your loss as you move forward.